What hath I wrought?!

I had a deeply distressing thought the other day–last week I started raising support two days a week for my ministry with CrossRoads.  So that means I’m now in the office three days a week.  That’s not the distressing part.  HERE’S the distressing part:

I had a meeting last Monday.  I had two last Tuesday.  I had THREE last Thursday.  I had an ALL DAY meeting Monday (yesterday).  Today I’ve got two meetings scheduled, and tomorrow I’ve got another two more meetings.  Meetings, meetings, everywhere.

This would be bad, but it gets worse.  Of the eleven meetings I mentioned above?  Seven were either called or co-called by me.  Me. I have officially ceased being Brent Larson, and have become Darth Skedjul.

What have I become?  What do I do?  What can I do?  Let’s discuss it tomorrow, 9 am–bring a pen and any agenda items you may have.

Random Thoughts I Discovered this Weekend–In my head edition

• We had two women house guests at Casa de Larson this past weekend. Darcy was throwing a baby shower for one of them. Upshot? Twofold: 1)On a scale of 1 to 10, our couch scores a reasonable 6. 2) Anyone know how to find the leak in an air mattress?
• My capacity for being in the same room as the E! channel=negligible.
• My wife can apparently throw a kickin’ party.
• Darcy’s the only one I know who really liked the new Indy movie.
• I did a Tae-Kwon-Do scrimmage Saturday morning. I fought three people. I got beaten three times. I feel pretty good about it, weirdly enough. I think the kicks to the head may have affected my reasoning and noter kslm,s.
• While the shower was going on, I had lunch with my friend Steve, we saw Kung Fu Panda, I went to Planet Smoothie, had a hot tub-sized Grape Ape and watched an episode of Buffy on my computer. What bliss!
• Everyone’s freaked out about gas prices (this was more of a rediscovering)
• The Thin Red Line doesn’t get better with multiple viewings.
• I love me some Battlestar Galactica!
• I really like that song by that chick about Bleeding Love…what’s her name? (Wait here while I google it…Leona Lewis). Anyway, it sticks in my head and I can’t get it out. I sing it out loud almost every day, driving my wife bazonkers. Weirdly enough, I don’t mind. Why? Because it chased out the “I Can’t Wait to see you again” song by Mily how do you spell it…(wait here…Miley Cyrus), which I DON’T like but took up residence in my head anyway.

The Perfect Joke

After my last post, I was reminded of a related topic–I have invented the perfect joke.  Observe a few days ago, a conversation with my wife:

Brent: I was talking to the comic store guy about Indiana Jones the other day.  We both think it’s funny how people keep comparing it to Raiders of the Lost Ark, because you know, Darcy (assumes scholarly tone) Raiders is perhaps one of the most perfect movies ever…

Darcy: (interrupting) Yes, we’ve had this conversation before.

Brent: What?

Darcy: You think Raiders is a perfect movie. You’ve told me this, like, three times.

Brent: Huh.  (a few seconds go by)  Hey Darc?

Darcy: Yeah?

Brent: You know Raiders is a perfect movie?

Darcy laughs.

Next day:

Brent: Hey Darc, throw me the remote, willya?

Darcy: Sure.

Brent: Hey Darc.

Darcy: Yeah?

Brent: You know Raiders is the perfect movie, right?

Darcy laughs.

And there you have it.  The perfect joke.  Will it get old?  No!  It’s already old.  That’s the point, doofus!

Indy IV–thumbs up or down?

I’m asking because everyone has an opinion, and since my opinion is more thought-out, and therefore better, than yours, I thought I’d discuss it.  Again, I’m of two minds on the subject, so I’ll represent both of them here, in true CrossFire fashion.

Moderator Brent: Gentlemen, we’ve only got a couple minutes left, after that spirited discussion on what genre best represents Star Wars…

Right Brent–A sci-fi epic for the ages, Brent!

Left Brent–It’s fantasy, not sci-fi, you utterly ridiculous nerf herder…

Moderator Brent–Yes, yes, but okay now…Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens in theaters two weeks ago…what do you think, Righty?

Right Brent–It was a good movie, Brent.  Not great, but good.

Left Brent–This was no heir to the Raiders Dynasty!  It is a totally separate movie altogether!  I don’t even want to hear the word Quadrilogy come out of your mouth!

Righty–Okay, true, but nothing could follow Raiders, quite possibly one of the few perfect movies in existence!

Lefty–All right, I’ll give you that.  But instead of having another mysterious artifact that blows  the imagination, like the Ark or the Grail, we get…what? Alien Skulls?!  Thanks for giving the secret away in the first ten minutes!

Righty–Okay, but wouldn’t they just have been copying the formula? Didn’t you want a new movie?  And that beginning sequence was fun and a great way to relaunch Indy for the next phase of life.

Lefty–And that’s another thing!  He was SO OLD!

Righty–Are you mad that Indy aged?  Or that you did?  We love great characters–in our minds the single worst thing they can do is get old.  It reminds us that we’re getting older too.  So you can either go the James Bond route and recast Indy…

Lefty–Sacrilige!

Righty–…OR you let him get old and tell new stories from a totally new viewpoint.  And admit it, no matter what the weaknesses in the movie, it was fantastic to see Harrison Ford back in the fedora.  HE did a great job.

Lefty–Yeah, can’t argue with that.

Moderator–Okay, gents, out of time.  What’s your vote?

Righty–Again, I wanted to love it, and I like it.  Three arks.

Lefty–Indy’s back, but not better than ever.  Two arks.

Moderator–For an average of two and a half arks.  Go forth and enjoy!!  And may I say, it’s nice to see you both agreeing about something for once.

Righty–(to moderator) You’re a ponce.

Lefty–(to moderator) And a dork.

RIghty– (to Lefty) Let’s go get some coffee.

Well, look who’s here!

I’m back! And contrary to other past hiccups in my blogging history, this time I’ve been wanting to post my deeply important observation of the day. I’ve just been really busy. And I know you both have been wondering, “Dude, Brent, it only takes two minutes to blog. What’s the problem?” Well, not only have I not been able to blog, I’ve also been too busy to get to those other things I’ve been wanting to get to, like:

• That delightfully light and whimsical copy of The Brothers Karamazov that I’ve gotten a quarter of the way through,
• Those DVRed four-star movies, like My Left Foot, Shadow of a Doubt and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington that keep screaming out to me to watch them. You ever heard Jimmy Stewart screaming? It’s the stuff of nightmares.
• Those Tae-Kwon-Do moves I need to be practicing for my first tournament in July (I’ll talk about this later)
• That copy of The ScreenWriter’s Bible I have on my desk at work,
• All the assorted crap in my guest bedroom that says to me, “You could have sold us at a garage sale by now, invested the money in a nice start-up, gotten rich and now enjoying a month-long cruise of the Mediterranean if you ‘d only thought ahead!”

What have I been doing instead? Well, besides that film shoot I did the day after my last blog post (more on that later), I’d like to say I’ve been studying film and writing like a fiend to get my next script underway. What I’ve actually been doing is playing a lot of Resident Evil, watching less than four-star movies (more on that later) and wondering where all the time is going. In other words, things are on the busy end of normal, but still normal. So I can’t complain.

Sorry I bin spotty…

Sorry I’ve haven’t been posting a lot lately. I have a reasonably good excuse, though–I’ve been working on a short film! Here’s what’s been going on over the last few weeks, in haiku:

Four friends’ film fetish

Finally pays off– funding!

J Film–”Do your thang.”

*

Our new film team forms.

“Broken Phone Booth Productions.”

Steal the name and die!

*

Our first film shoots soon.

This Saturday, truth be told.

It’s called Convict. Sweet!

*

I produce. Mike shoots.

Paul directs, Doug photographs.

And more. Some paid. Dude!

*

Much running around

No rest when you’re Producer

And no blogging. Aargh!!!

*

So there you go. I hope this spells things out clearly. I’ll let you know how it goes…

We’ve Got Company

(Matt brought this to my attention)

Example: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Use: When a character informs another character of the arrival of hostiles.

PERFECT SUBSEQUENT SCENARIO THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE USED: Hostiles ring doorbell with a covered casserole and say “Sorry we’re late!”

B4P BFF!!

Paris Hilton recently talked about her new show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.” In this show she will apparently begin a search for a new best friend. In her own words, “I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.”

My thoughts:

• Paris is kinda thick.
• Paris thinks the 85,000 people who want a shot at the title all want to be her friend because she’s such a great person.
• Paris uses the word “really” too much.
• Paris probably needs someone to tell her that the second F in BFF stands for “Forever”–in other words, this person is supposed to still be her best friend when she’s 60 and the Botox has made her lips look like two harp seals sunbathing on top of each other.
• Paris needs someone who won’t suck up to her, who will tell her the truth about herself so she’ll grow as a person; someone, in fact, who probably doesn’t even like her very much.
• I CAN DO THIS. I can be Paris’s (’s’s’s) BFF!

So write in to MTV and vote for me! Brent For Paris’ Best Friend Forever!

Brain hurts.

This morning, I had to run into Pulix to get something.  I stood in line for a few minutes, then realized the cashier one row over had  no one.  I took my South Beach diet bars over there.  This is, as near as I recall, our conversation, with my thoughts in parentheses:

Cashier: I was wondering why no one was coming over to my lane!

Me: Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but…it’s you. (Ha ha, I’m so clever.)

Cashier: Me? You’re hurting my feelings!

Bagger: You’re hurting her feelings!

Me: Ha ha ha.  ….(Wait a minute, here’s where I insert a joke.  But I can’t think of anything to say!  What’s going on here?)

Cashier: Here ya go.  Thanks.

Bagger: [something--I'm still thinking about how I can't think.]

Me: Sorry.  I can’t think what to say.  It’s early for me. (It’s actually 9 am.)

Cashier: Okay.  Bye.

Me: Thanks.  Bye. (What is going on here?  What is wrong with me?  Whatsh gong wich mash bulb maybah flazazel…)

Later I came to, and realized…last week’s accumulated meetings haven’t finished taking their toll.  I’m still not back in the game.  So, if you say something to me and I get this look on my face like I want to say something back…try and change the subject.  For me.  Thanks.

Knock…knock…what?

I was in an all day staff meeting Monday.  Then a half-day meeting Tuesday afternoon.  Then another half day meeting Wednesday morning.  And I just got off another half day meeting today (they call ‘em “family time” here).

Result?  I just now realized I HAVE LOST MY SENSE OF HUMOR.  People are saying all kinds of things I could easily springboard off of, and yet all I can do is stare at them.  I’m worried.  Worried, and sleepy.